Love! For most of us we say we need love, someone to spend the rest of our lives with. You finally meet someone who might be interested in a long-term commitment, but you hesitate to try and build a future because you realise love isn’t as what you expected. You start to have second thoughts, that they might not be the right person or they deserve better. ‘Or sometimes all the sudden you meet someone for the first time, stills your heart away completely, but the more you’re closer the less you stop loving them’. All that makes me start to feel fear of failure, hurting someone, and of the unknown, worst unexpected circumstances. Tension slowly increases building walls, barriers and being distant as I start to feel like being just on my own again.
All of the sudden, you’re back to being heartbroken, lonely, needy, wishing and hoping to find true love again. But sometimes when the person who could be or could’ve been your future was right in front of you the whole time. You either blew it, or might get second chance if it’s meant to be.
I’m not that desperate to be in love, it’s just the pressure I face from people expecting lot from me. People mistakenly me as a serious person, stubborn, complicated, confusing and secretive.
But, deep down they don’t know I suffer from fear of being short, quietness, being an intellectual, depression and anxiety. At the same time, I’m a happy, open person, communicate well and am understandable to the right people who are understanding. I don’t take myself too seriously, I like to goofy around and have good sense of humour.
I used to believe in love at first sight, soulmates, and everlasting love. But in this moment I don’t know how I feel about what love is or supposed to be anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone. There are dozens of people in this world who I’m sure are beyond much better choice than me.
Sometimes I often just feel like it’s better to have no love, then to have loved and lose it all, but I don’t know if it’s the right or wrong reasons or whether it’s true or not.
But the questions I still ask myself, is everyone lucky to be in love?